Motherhood: It’s tough, even for royalty!

Last week I read an article about Kate Middleton and her struggles with motherhood. The Duchess of Cambridge opened up on how she found motherhood overwhelming at an event launching a series of documentaries on mental health and parenthood last week.

Motherhood: baby holding mother's finger

What does she know?

What does she know, you might be thinking. With all her nannies and other help, how difficult can it be? That was my initial, ungenerous thought. I bet she manages to shower every day. I bet she doesn’t have to deal with a baby meltdown while trying to buy the weekly groceries in Sainsbury’s. I bet she doesn’t argue with William over who’s turn it is to unload the dishwasher/change the stinky nappy/fold the laundry.

When I thought about it more though, I realised I was wrong. Kate talked about how our fundamental identity changes when we become a mother. I think we can all relate to that, regardless of our background. The change in identity is one of the hardest aspects of motherhood in my opinion. We go from being able to do pretty much what we want, when we want and how we want, to being tied down with little time for ourselves.

However much help we have, it ultimately comes down to us. The child is ours and we are responsible for him or her. Wherever we are or whatever we are doing, that child is always in the back of our minds.

Kate also explained that there’s no rule book and we all have to make it up as we go. She said that this can lead to a lack of confidence in our abilities as parents. I think we can all relate to that, too! If I had a pound for the number of times I’ve frantically Googled something at 3am, rather than listening to my own instincts, I’d be a rich woman. Or for thinking that I’m doing a terrible job at being a mum—even if it’s just for 5 minutes.

All in it together

It’s hard for all of us. And if even Kate can admit it, we should too. It’s reassuring to know that others feel the same. Rather than paint a rose-tinted picture, we should all be as honest as Kate. It might just help another mother to realise they aren’t alone and however put-together (or not!) we look, we’re all just winging this motherhood thing.

Do you ever feel like you are just winging this motherhood thing?

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21 Comments

  1. March 28, 2017 / 6:21 am

    I always think that Kate probably has it harder than many in some regards. She doesn’t really get a say in her day to day life of travel schedules, places to live, schools, etc. Everyone has to be vetted and tradition really trumps how her children are raised. I imagine the burden must be heavy with eyes on her constantly. I’m so glad she opened up, having more people talking will only raise the awareness of the issue so women feel more confidence asking for help. #DreamTeam

  2. March 28, 2017 / 7:47 am

    I’m definitely winging it – it’s the trial and error approach to parenting! Seem to have mislaid the instruction manual somewhere…. #TriumphantTales

  3. March 28, 2017 / 8:44 am

    That’s a really good perspective on her struggles. I saw a lot of criticism going around about how out of touch she is and how much she should be doing for other mothers. It’s good to see something positive about her speaking out.

  4. March 28, 2017 / 8:44 am

    #dreamteam, sorry, forgot that bit.

  5. March 28, 2017 / 11:00 am

    True this. We’re all just winging it and trying to be good enough parents. In a weird way, it must be harder for someone like her. Although you have help, there’s so much pressure and judgement. Like a billion people tutting in the supermarket instead of just the one

  6. March 28, 2017 / 11:27 am

    I love this. I love how even though a womans wealth can separate her from others in society, when it comes to motherhood we are all in the same boat and can acknowledge the hardship of the new role we have taken on.
    Thank you for joining us at #TriumphantTales

  7. March 28, 2017 / 11:51 am

    I wing it on a daily basis and that’s ok. I’m actually writing a blog about this at the moment. We need to stop with the self doubt and criticism and trust our instincts and capabilities of parents. I’m glad Kate has opened up about her experience of motherhood although I suspect it’s slightly easier if you’re not worrying about money or the leaking roof or a car that needs MOTing! X #TriumphantTales

  8. March 28, 2017 / 12:21 pm

    I think parenting is difficult when in the public eye, we’re all people at the end of the day, making mistakes, finding our feet. Of course Kate has the added pressure of raising a future king… #TriumphantTales

  9. March 28, 2017 / 1:15 pm

    I’m not a royalist at all but I really liked seeing Kate speak up about this. I know she has lots of help and whatnot but I’m not sure I’d trade that lifestyle (the scrutiny, being in the public eye all the time, etc) for a bit of help round the house.

    #TriumphantTales

  10. Mom Of Two Little Girls
    March 28, 2017 / 3:53 pm

    I love Kate. And I do think they try to live as normal a life as possible, but who wouldn’t love to never have to do the dirty dishes or laundry right? But I really believe we all change the minute we become parents. There is an awareness and responsibility that non-parents don’t have, get or understand.
    #triumphanttales #dreamteam

  11. March 30, 2017 / 12:04 pm

    Love this – the phrase we are all in it together whoever you are…even if you’re royalty! Sums it up perfectly. Thanks so much for linking up to #coolmumclub lovely xoxo

  12. March 30, 2017 / 5:59 pm

    I am all about being in it together, regardless of your situation, we are all mums and we should be supportive and non-judgemental regardless. #bestandworst

  13. March 30, 2017 / 11:08 pm

    Enjoyed reading your post next to mine on the #bestandworst linky. I am definitely winging it. Constantly. And I agree that we are all in it together. This motherhood malarkey is hard enough without us picking each other apart. I have no idea what Kate’s life us like but I wouldn’t fancy living under that level of scrutiny myself. All the best to her for staying sane whilst looking after those lovely kids in their goldfish bowl! #bestandworst

  14. March 31, 2017 / 8:06 am

    I think we’re all winging this motherhood thing, and some days are better than others. The other thing that I never anticipated before having my children was the constant mum guilt thing – whatever I’m doing, I feel the guilt that it isn’t the right thing. I don’t think that will ever go away. #coolmumclub

  15. April 3, 2017 / 1:39 pm

    love this and I had similar thoughts when I read about Kate last week too. I feel sorry for her in a lot of ways and I think id take loading the dishwasher and lack of sleep over the continually public scrutiny and pressure. it must be horrid continually reading crap about yourself. #KCACOLS

  16. April 3, 2017 / 1:50 pm

    Love this post. My Twitter and blog bio is just that ‘winging Motherhood since 2012’ – and I have no shame in admitting it. 4 years in and I still make it up as I go along. Damn it you would have thought they would have invented a guide book by now! 😏 As for Kate – I saw this article linked on Facebook and I stupidly had a read through the comments others had left. I stopped myself from leaving a comment myself for not wanting to get involved in a backlash. Of course, they were full of remarks such as ‘how the hell does she know?’ ‘she isn’t a real mum’ etc etc. It made me SO cross. Of course she is a real Mum. She carried both children for all of her pregnancy. She went through labour. She dealt with the same hormones that we all have. She is a Mum and with that comes with an ENTIRE whole new way of life. How do we even know how much she does or doesn’t do? She may be really hands on! We have no idea and not one of us is at liberty to judge what we don’t know about. Thanks for writing this. I couldn’t have put it better myself. Thank you for linking up to #TriumphantTales

  17. April 4, 2017 / 7:44 am

    I think motherhood in the public eye and being the mother of a future king must be the hardest motherhood role ever. Everyone has an opinion as to how she should be raising our future monarch. Everyone wants to play a role. She needs to assert her position as to how she wants her kids to be mothered. That must be tremendously challenging and she must be tremendously strong. Pen x #KCACOLS

  18. April 4, 2017 / 8:21 pm

    I bet she is also hyper aware that the world is watching! Thanks so much for linking up at #KCACOLS. Hope you come back again next Sunday

  19. April 5, 2017 / 9:43 am

    I still think she has it easier than us though! Like not having to worry about money for starters! #bestandworst

  20. April 5, 2017 / 8:36 pm

    I was really glad when she made those comments, I know a lot of people will say it’s easy for them but ultimately she’s still a woman dealing with a huge change in life. And whilst there may not be certain pressures, there’s other ones instead… I can’t imagine being photographed leaving hospital for example! #kcacols

  21. April 22, 2017 / 10:18 pm

    She has the best and worst of it I feel. She doesn’t have to worry about money and probably a lot of the stress most other women would have as she probably has access to quite a lot of help. But her children will be seen and her parenting will be judged by the world. An no matter who you are it isn’t easy to have another human being depend on you for everything all the time. I think it’s something all mums can relate to, the emotions that flood over you during those first few days, weeks and months.

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